"We never walk alone, this is our hope..." -Natalie Grant, Our Hope Endures

So I've been thinking a lot about trust lately. Trusting God that is. My conundrum is that many people seem to think that trusting God means trusting that everything is going to be ok, but that's faulty b/c you can trust your heart out and then things aren't ok.

I guess when I trust another trustworthy person I am trusting that no matter what occurs, they won't (as far as it is in their power) do anything to betray or hurt me on purpose. Of course the human element of not being perfect gets in there and it doesn't always work out that way.

When it comes to God, I seemed to fall into that same line of faulty thinking. a+b always= c. If I trust, then obviously things will be ok. I don't know why I want to think like that other than I really want everything to be ok when I go to the doctor on Tuesday for my check up. Upon further reflection (as I was walking/attempting to jog for a few minutes this evening) I came to my senses and realized that trusting God doesn't mean just believing that everything will be ok. (As much as I would like it to be.) But instead, it means trusting that no matter what the situation may be, that God is there right along side me, (I mean technically the holy spirit is even inside of me interceding on my behalf...so that's pretty close) feeling with me and sustaining me. Comforting in many ways yes, but man I sure would appreciate a foolproof 100% guarantee that everything will be ok with our baby.

Fact is, I don't get that. What would my faith be if there wasn't the element of the unknown? Could I really call it faith then? I think no. The unknown gives me the opportunity to trust. Not in an outcome but in God's love for me.

Two weeks ago I was asked last minute at church to sit in on the Sr. High Sunday School with the youth minister b/c two of the regular adults (who I know) had to leave last minute. I went along with another lady from my Sunday School class, and I was amazed and the topic they were grappling with. The study that day was on Prayer, which on the surface might sound pretty cut and dry. But instead of going with the easy parts of prayer, Jeff, the youth minister started off with a lot of questions. "How come a child is born with a life threatening malformation, everyone prays, and still the baby dies, yet, in another room of the hospital a 9 year old is diagnosed with cancer, everyone prays, and when a follow up exam is completed weeks later, there is no trace of cancer in the child's body? Why did one child live and another die? Was that God's will? Were some people's prayers better than others?" I couldn't believe Jeff was asking high school kids the same questions I grappled with last summer! Why does prayer "work" sometimes and "not" others?

A discussion followed and I was surprised that so many of the guys spoke up. They had all sorts of interesting ideas. Some of them seemed solid, and others I disagreed with. A few girls shared and somewhere along the way (after other adults had joined the discussion) out of my mouth pops, "I guess it goes back to simply trusting in God's love for us, regardless of the outcome. I think it's possible that we just won't understand everything that happens to us." Now I had a lot more on my mind, but it was really just more questions, and time was running out. So, for two weeks I have been asking myself, what does it mean to trust in God's love for me?

It certainly doesn't mean thinking that everything will be ok, b/c if that was the case, I couldn't really trust anymore. Like I said before, I think it just means trusting that God is right here with us, in this broken, imperfect world. Yes, sometimes he changes things and I know he can, but he doesn't always do it in the way I expect or want or even recognize.

He gave us such a gift after having John, those 30 minutes or so that John lived and we were able to hold him and pray for him, and love him in person. Wow. I never thought that God could bring something so good out of a situation that was so horrible. I was honestly completely inept to pray for anything once I was faced with the situation. I froze when I got all that information about John. I didn't know how to ask God to do anything, all I could muster was for him to be with me during the process and to guide me in the decisions I had to make with Brian. Well, God definitely was there and gave us a beautiful moment of grace and joy that I will never forget and will always be thankful for.

This time, I don't feel as inept to pray for our child. I sure am asking that God would help our baby to grow healthfully, but I also am asking for God to just be with me during the process, and help me to trust him, not for the outcome, but trust in his character and his love for me and this kiddo I have growing inside of me. His love far exceeds mine, and I have a lot of love for this baby.

I will certainly let you know how things go after this Tuesday (the appointment is at 10). I've just been thinking a lot lately and wanted to share. I'm thankful to have a God who is trustworthy.

"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life...ooooh, see that girl, watch that scene, diggin the dancing queen..." -ABBA

I just returned from watching the BEST feel good modern musical of our time... MAMMA MIA!

I absolutely LOVED IT! IF YOU GET THE CHANCE... GO SEE IT!

I went with my mom and some extended family, and let me tell you, I danced my heart out at the end when they did the sing along. I LOVED IT! Maybe I almost knocked my pregnant self over into the lower row of seats thanks to my excitement fueled by the fun music...but thankfully my Mom and Lori caught me! I jived with the best of them and sang really loudly. I think my mom and I singing might have prompted the people who were sitting behind us to find new seats for the second act, but oh well. This is one of those musicals that is MEANT to be sung by the audience...

They were quiet creative with their set, and everyone had lovely voices! We were on the first balcony and I was a bit concerned that we wouldn't see well, but it was just fine! The costumes were so fun, and the dancing was amazing. I remembered why I LOVED doing theater in high school!

Now I really want to go see WICKED in August...anyone else up for going??? Let me know! I think theatrical events need to be a part of my life on a semi-regular basis!

After we finished at Bass Concert Hall, we headed to The Melting Pot (which none of us had ever been to) and had a fabulous meal! I LOVE FONDUE as well...

My favorite had to be the strawberries and white chocolate amaretto fondue, but everything else was tasty as well!

We had:
course one
quatrro formagio fondue
fiesta fondue
with bread, green apples and vegetables
my favorite was the green apples with the quattro formagio fondue

course two
Salad with fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, basil and a delightful balsamic vinaigrette

course three
all sorts of crazy tasty meat
shrimp diablo (which I avoided)
sun dried tomato chicken
lemoncello steak
fillet minion
orange fennel pork loin (my fave!)
and potatoes (that I couldn't quite get cooked enough)
broccoli and mushrooms with several dipping sauces (two of which were Gorgonzola based and I sadly could not consume b/c that cheese was not pasteurized.)

course four (amazing)
white chocolate amaretto fondue
turtle milk chocolate fondue
strawberries
cheesecake
marshmallows (coated in tasty stuff)
brownies
pound cake
banana slices

It was a great day, and now I am happy to crawl into bed and sleep!

"Wake up sleepyhead, I think the sun's a little brighter today..." -Dive In, DMB

So, I've been waiting for what seems like forever to post about expecting a little one and I finally get to because today I am officially 12 weeks along! This is a great shot I got at my Dr's appointment yesterday! I think I have told almost everyone who reads my blog, and if I haven't told you, I sure tired to get in touch to let you know what was going on!

Everything looked great (as far as we can tell at this point in the pregnancy), so I am hopeful and excited! These first weeks have been a bit stressful for me, so I am trying to stop the worrying process, and just be thankful for how things are right now. I do think I will feel MUCH better after we get past the 20 week mark...but hey only 8 more weeks/two more months to go on that one! I will keep you updated on the progress. We're just praying that everything continues to develop in a healthy way!

My doc is so wonderful! He knows how stressful this is (and sometimes I wonder if it is a bit stressful for him!) for me and so yesterday when I went in for my appointment, he started it off by wheeling in the ultrasound machine and saying, "Hi, we have to do this first because I kinda stole it and need to get it back!" I was super thankful b/c normally you don't get ultrasounds every time you go in. He said for the first half of my pregnancy, we would just check because he knew it would make me feel so much better. He's right, it does! Yay for a kind doctor! I mean I appreciate him so much it has crossed my mind to name a son born to us after him but Brian thought that might be a bit weird...and he's probably right. :)

I was so glad to see our little one kicking feet and waving arms and moving all over the place! It's funny to see our baby move so much b/c I can't feel any of it yet. It is very reassuring when you can feel the baby b/c then you know, hey everything's still normal in there, so I will be excited when I feel the baby move in the future!

So, that's our big news! I am just barely starting to show, which is fun, and the nausea has recently lifted, so that is a nice bonus as well! I'm about to enter the second trimester, so all looks good! PHEW!

Amazing Vegetables and Fruits

I got this email from my mom and I thought it was really interesting! Yay for fresh fruit and vegetables! (Now I really feel like I need to go to the farmer's market in town and snag some of these!)

Email:

A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All o f the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocados, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions help clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

"Everything's gonna be alright, rock-a-bye, rock-a-bye..." -Shawn Mullins, Lullaby

Ok...you know you are officially an adult, when a college aged student at the local HEB asks your advise on how to pick out meat! Seriously? I was happy to help this girl understand what a split chicken breast was, but I felt profoundly older and even mother-like as she thanked me and walked away. Of course this was after we looked at her recipe together and talked about what exactly it called for. WOW. Did she scan the various people at the meat counter and I just looked appropriate to ask? Or maybe, I was just approachable. Maybe I smiled. I don't know, but I definitely had a moment in HEB the other day after this occurred. :)


Ok, update on Daisy. I've let some of you know that she came in last Thursday night with a gash in the top of her head. :( IT was bleeding, but not profusely. I proceeded to mildly freak out and Brian proceeded to stay totally calm and clean her cut out. It didn't look too deep, so I just called the vet's office. Since it was 8 pm, they did not answer, but instead offered a number to call their after care service in Killeen..who did NOT return my call, even though I told them how concerned I was on their little message machine.

Anyways, in the morning, the cut had not closed up. Brian thought she would be ok, but I was still concerned. I called the vet and told them the situation and made an appointment to come in and have it looked at after school. Turns out Daisy needed 5 stitches! So sad! She was pretty doped up after her minor surgery and couldn't exactly walk straight. She did a lot of leaning on me. I'm sure it was for comfort sake/so that she could attempt to walk a straight line. Our vet gave us a cone for Daisy to wear so that she would not mess with the stitches...I really didn't want to use it. I was able to hold off until Saturday afternoon, when Daisy finally realized that there was something on top of her head and messed with it.





Daisy on the way home...she couldn't quite figure out how this sitting on the seat thing worked...I had to pull over 2 times to reposition her!
Her sad stitches. The look a LOT better now, three days out from this pic!

Daisy resting after her surgery. She eventually came in and curled up on the couch with me as the drugs started to wear off.

Out of respect for the emotional damage that a picture of Daisy with the cone on her head might do to her, I will refrain from posting that pic. Needless to say, she learned her lesson and has not messed with it since which equals no more cone-wearing for her! :) She is recovering well, and should get her stitches out early next week! I'm sure glad I took her in! My vet did comment and say, "It kinda looks like she lost the fight" with her shaved stitched up head and all!

Some people bring home stray animals...

And others (being Brian) bring home old power tool paraphernalia....I walked out to back my car out of the garage this morning only to find this monstrous new addition to our ever crowded garage...I'm sure Brian has an EXCELLENT use for it. I THINK it might be a huge air compressor. I'll let you know when I find out. Seriously?! Yes, it is a big air compressor- used to do things "like fill up the tires on your car" says Brian. Ha, welcome to our crowded garage, and yay for well-filled car tires!

"It's time to leave the past in the past and lace up a new set of shoe strings...so we can sit together side by side through amazing..." -Blue October

Each year, whether I get the cd out to all my friends or not, I do make a year in the life CD, formally known as "Year in the Life of Bundy". (I always have the goal of getting it to everyone, but sadly these Cd's, like the Christmas Cards I buy each year, don't always make it.) I collect the songs throughout the year as I hear them or am reminded of songs that pertain to my current situation, and at the end of the year I have about 30 or so songs, and I am forced to pick, choose, narrow and refine my year into about 20 reflective songs. I try to give equal credit to joyous and sad occurrences in the year, but they do not always get equal play. They didn't for 2008.

So, January came bringing 2009, and I was going to share the Year in the Life 2008 CD, but just couldn't do it. It was just too much of a downer. Every time I listened to it, I cried. (Therapeutically, but still, cried none the less.) I was feeling reflective and listened to it a few weeks ago when I was folding laundry, and actually didn't cry. WOW. I thought, hey, I can actually share the songs- I really am making it. :) Great feeling! IF you would like a copy, I'd be glad to get it to you, but I didn't want to just blindly send you this CD. I mean, it ends hopefully, but it's pretty sad at some points. The first song gave me the title for this blog. I started the blog, when I was starting to cull through the songs last year. I listened to these songs a LOT this last year. Here's the final list.

Year in the Life 2008:
Walk You Home- Karmina acoustic version (I listened on repeat quite a lot)
Untitled- Simple Plan
Mark's Song- Eastmountainsouth (Credit to Jen for finding this song and getting it to me!)
It is Well With My Soul- Chris Rice (Song I woke up hearing -in my head- the morning after John was born. The link is to the history of the song I had never heard of and discovered while I was choosing songs for John's funeral. Scroll down on the link to read the history.)
Seamless- Christopher Jak (love the strings in this song)
Broken- Lifehouse
Hardtimes- Eastmountainsouth
No Bad News- Patty Griffin
Laugh So You Don't Cry- Andy Davis
Rise Above This- Seether (Good jogging song)
Awakening- Switchfoot (Another song I jogged to)
Crack the Shutters- Snow Patrol
Back to Where I Was- Eric Hutchinson
One of Those Days- Joshua Radin
Picking Up the Pieces- Blue October (actually came out post 2008, but it is too good to not include on the list, so I broke my rules and added it.)
Our Hope Endures- Natalie Grant
Only Hope- Switchfoot
Jesus' Blood- Hillsong United (Heard during communion and it was a strong reminder of the Lord's presence throughout everything and his faithfulness.)
Your Love is Extravagant- Darrell Evans (Have LOVED this song for many years)

So, the neat thing is one of my first songs for Year in the Life 2009 is entitled "Blue Skies". A lot has happened. The passage of time really does help. I really wasn't sure when my Dad told me it would- I couldn't quite believe him, but it does. God is and has been so faithful to me and I hope this CD says that.